Tuesday, June 28, 2011


There is SO much to say/share about camp! I can't even begin, there is just so much. haha
This post though...I want to talk about the spirit you feel at Girl's Camp (then in later posts I will talk about activities and such).
The moment you get to camp, you just feel closer to your Heavenly Father and at peace with everything. It is incredible really. So incredible, that you are moved in many ways. Tears flow easier when you feel this spirit. Smiles appear and never fade. Laughter rings through the mountain. It is just unbelievable.
Through singing, inspirational speakers, evening star, and even the fun stuff like skits...you just feel the spirit so strong. It is the kind of spirit you want to always feel throughout your everyday life. I just cannot even put into words how amazing camp truly was. The girls have such strong testimonies and such sweet spirits in them. It blessed me to be around them.
With feeling the spirit THAT strong up there, I was not exempt from shedding tears. haha I haven't cried that much in SO long! I swear. Someone would sing...I'd be in tears. Someone would share a spiritual thought...I'd be in tears. Someone would SMILE...well you get the point. haha I just had this strong feeling all week. That I was in the right place, at the right time, helping one girl at a time. It was just a beautiful week and I am so thankful I got to be up there again. I HOPE I get to be a MAC again. :D
Until Then.


I see other people's trials around me and it just makes me think mine aren't that hard. It could be worse. But then I think...well they're hard to me. There is just so much running through my mind. I wish I could just talk it all out. However, I hate feeling like a downer in the conversation. or like I'm being a bother. or like I'm being pessimistic. I just don't enjoy talking about my problems and putting them on others. So. I hold it in. I hold it in all the time...ALL the time. That is just who I am.
Friends say I can talk to them if I need to...so I don't know why I don't. I just don't want to be a bother. I really don't. Man. I just don't know if I can hold everything in any longer. At least I always know that I can pray to my Heavenly Father and KNOW that He is listening...and actually wants to hear what I'm feeling. He wants to know what I'm going through. Just gotta pray. Talk it out.
Until Then.

Saturday, June 25, 2011


So. I got back from camp just yesterday (a post about it will be coming REAL soon!) and all day today I have been really out of it. I don't know what it is. Something feels off. Somehow i've gotten to feel completely alone today. It is just a feeling.

Through these feelings, I had a thought just come to me. "Sometimes life gets you down so that the Lord can pick you up." It was the perfect thought. I felt so much good at camp and then to come back to "reality"... I guess I feel like i'm in a funk. hah

Well, thank goodness for faith. I have faith that through the Lord I can get back to feeling just fine. I have faith that if I just rest in him, He will not fail me...He will not let me fall. He will not.

That is all for now. Watch out for my next post, it will be all about Girl's Camp. (:
Until Then.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Eric's Turn.

SO. Another missionary is heading off, my best friend, Eric. So it is his turn to have a post. (:

Last night was his final get together and it was just a lot of fun. No tears (until the very end. haha). We always have great times and somehow seem to always have an adventure, last night was no exception. haha It was just wonderful to get everyone together to see this great guy off. He is serving in Boise, Idaho. It may not be half a world away but for 2 whole years, I'm sure it will feel like it. haha

Eric, you're going to be a wonderful missionary. I'm grateful for being able to have you in my life and all the memories we have shared all the way up until last night. You're full of wisdom, understanding, and experience. There is no doubt in my mind that you will serve with all your might, mind, and strength...that is just how you are. You have a STRONG testimony and you are bold, which means I am sure you will never be afraid to bear it. Along with that you have such a willing heart, you'll share the gospel with SO many and change a lot of lives. I see all the love you have in your heart and its a wonderful thing, share that with all you come in contact with.

Stay strong out there.

So, although this is one of THE hardest goodbyes and the hardest goodbye hugs to get through, how wonderful of an example it is to see all these great young men go out and serve the Lord. Leaving everything behind for 2 years. BUT to see that once all the worldly things are put aside, you learn and grow so much. Always rely on the Lord. He is always there for each one of us and will NEVER fail us if we just try our best. So Eric, try your BEST out there. I'm gonna miss you.

See you in 2 years. (:
Until Then.

Saturday, June 18, 2011


Well, not reasons, just A reason.

I knew this feeling would come back and would be intensified...it has. Here I am left breathless. Thinking about the last few hours. I don't even know why I am posting about this. Although, this is quite vague. Stop reading now if you don't want to be totally lost. hahaha

I just. Oh my goodness. Right now, I know that I need to put my walls down and stop having SO much self control. At THIS moment...my wall is down and I just feel free.

We can control things from happening, we can have reasons to hold back, and so on. I still am holding onto the reason I had in my head because now I just can't even think. My knees are weak and I feel like I have SO much to say.

LIFE. Its funny. You can make up all these reasons to not go for anything. You can come up with a million excuses why it is a bad idea. BUT...sometimes in the end you just see you were being stubborn and that life only stops when you stop living. So, here is to living. Here is to stepping outside our comfort zones. Here is to letting go of our insecurities and worries. Here is to living...every day...in the moment.

"Its not about the breath you take, but the moments that take your breath away." Live for those moments. So, as I sit here breathless. I've learned a valuable lesson. If only I could ever say the words my heart longs for me to say.

Until Then.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


I can't say what I really want to say. I'm scared of the outcome...the response I may get. I'm not good at these things. I have too much self control, too much self doubt, and I can't just let it out.

I over think EVERYthing and that scares me. I think "what if" and about all the bad things that could happen. I need to think positive and think maybe it'll be really good. BUT. Sometimes its just hard to see that. I HOPE that good things can come out of what I want to say and do but this is life...you never know what can happen. I am just a hopeless romantic being held down by my own insecurities. Even writing this blog post was SO hard.

How do I become unafraid? How do I just let down this wall I have up and say how I feel? How do I believe that I can remember all I want to say? How. How. How. haha

I don't want to regret anything in life but I feel like if I don't speak now, I will regret this. I will regret not being able to say the words I truly want to say. To do the thing I want to do. If I don't, I would have to live with the "What if I DID say what my heart wanted me to say?" I don't want to live with that thought.

Its a funny thing, putting myself out there. Letting myself feel vulnerable...it is just not in my nature to do so. I'm not the one to take to big of a risk. It scares me to death. Literally scares me. I feel those "butterflies", my head spins, and I become unable to get my words out. It is not fun! haha I guess that is just how it goes though.

Ah! I don't know what to do. haha I need a sign.

Until Then.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


So, do you ever look forward to seeing someone because you just want to hug them? or do you compare how everyone hugs differently? or do you try to hug people like you want to be hugged?

OK. Well, I do like...all the above. haha A hug is defined as a "quick embrace". Or something like that. Anyways, I promise there is some kind of point to this post. Bear with me, I only got like 3 hours of sleep last night. haha

I think a hug should make you feel safe, loved, happy, and all that. It shouldn't be awkward or make you feel uncomfortable...if it does then that is not a proper hug. haha So. I've had friends hug me, pick me up, and spin me. Fun hugs. haha Then I have friends that like to do that stupid side hug, then you feel like just an "eh friend". Then you have those hugs where you just embrace eachother and when you come out of it, you just keep holdong eachother at the waists looking into eachother's eyes. AND then, I have friends (like my best friend Ryan. haha) that give amazing hugs. Where if you are having a hard time and you hug them, you just DON'T want to let go at ALL because they make you feel better.

I like hugs that just make me feel like I'm loved. Especially, like today, when I felt the whole world was against me. I mean. That is obviously not true but last night I just had everything hit me like a ton of bricks. SO. To get a really tight hug that was heartfelt made me feel better, meant the world to me tonight. So to the few of you tonight that gave me amazing hugs, I thank you. Seriously. Let's all hug eachother like we mean it. Alright? (:

Until Then.


Time passes quickly.
With just a blink of an eye,
everything changes,
moves forward,
becomes different.

We're getting closer.
But that day is also coming fast,
time for a goodbye,
one more hug,
and then its all harder.

Harder to breath,
knowing thats where it ends,
for now.
Knowing I must say goodbye,
the tears flow.

Closer and closer.
That day approaches,
time is slipping,
right through my fingers,
ever so quickly.

That day.
Oh, that dreaded day...
Its getting,

Monday, June 13, 2011


In a talk today at church a Sister spoke about how the world basically revolves around this idea of peace, finding peace, being peaceful...Peace.

In this world where trials come constantly, heartache happens daily, friendships and families break, and all the other terrible things that go on I can see why we all hold on to the idea of peace. My best friend also spoke, he spoke about overcoming trials. The key to overcoming trials is truly the gospel.

I feel so extremely blessed to have the gospel in my life. Life gets hard...it gets dark, cold, and dreary sometimes but it doesn't have to stay that way. Through this gospel, my spirit is lifted constantly. I feel like I learn something new every single day.

With that, another Sister spoke of talents. Learning new talents, helping old ones grow, and so on. Every day I learn more about what I'm capable of but sometimes I can't come up with my "talents". But. In this moment, I know I have a talent...a gift even, the gift of empathy. I feel like I can talk with people so well and comfort them because I FEEL what they feel. When others hurt, I hurt with them. When others are so joyful they want to yell it to the world, I yell with them. I am blessed. AND so are each one of you. Each one of us have talents that are waiting to be discovered. That are waiting to be practiced. That are OURS. Find your talent and don't be afraid of it.

Now, back to peace. The world so desperately wants to find peace but really, each one of us needs to find peace WITHIN us. We face new problems, new battles you could say, each day. I feel so strongly that with the gospel those times can be overcome and we can feel that true peace within our souls. Our souls. That's deep! But its true. Its OK to feel like broken down and all those other hard feelings we as humans feel but what is not OK, is letting those feelings over take us or just stay there wallowing in them. We should always be striving for peace. Striving to feel pure joy and happiness. Striving to feel complete and whole, happy with ourselves.

So, always strive for peace. When you feel peace, hold onto it. Hold onto it for dear LIFE.

Until Then.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


Today I was able to form the thought that sometimes your heart just hurts, for no reason at all...at least not a reason that makes sense.

I guess everyone has that feeling sometimes. I think its harder because I do not let anyone TOO close to me unless I trust them completely and I mask my feelings. I do not like to show the sad emotions or anything like that. There is enough of that in the world, I just want to show joy to whoever I come in contact with. Its just hard.

I feel like so many things are ending. Things are changing so fast I can't keep up. I feel like i'm running out of time and it is time I can't get back. I probably should talk to someone and get it all out but I do NOT like getting all emotional (as in, crying) in front of people. Maybe its my own attitude that I would look weak or something. I don't KNOW. But I just do not cry in front of people even most of my friends have NEVER seen me cry. I won't deny crying because I have...a lot. I've shed many tears for many reasons.

So for no reason, that I'm ready to talk about to just anybody, my heart just hurts. Its not broken but it aches. Out of this post, I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me or worry and come to my side instantly, I don't expect that. I've realized by keeping this blog that I can get my thoughts out there without feeling completely vulnerable. Life is hard and there are days where I just want to hide away because nothing is going as planned. I've realized though that life happens when you're too busy planning out the future. So. For now until I figure things out, I'm truly learning to live in the moment as I have tried to always do. I am TRULY going to be living in the moment now. Picking up the pieces of my aching heart and holding them together with my faith and hope. Faith that everything will be fine and Hope that life does move on and gets better.

Until Then.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


Seriously, spiders are one of my biggest fears. Tonight I swear, I had a brush with death! haha
Ok. So...that is a little dramatic. Here is the story. haha

I'm looking for something healthy to eat since it was midnight and I was a little hungry. Nothing good is in the house so I wanted to check the garage. I put on a pair of flip flops and go in the garage. I looked in the cupboard but there was nothing so I was going to look in the freezer for like fruit or something. Walk towards the freezer and I felt my leg go through what felt like a spider web but it didn't completely phase me. However, I took one more step and it was still on my leg. I look down and a BLACK spider is hanging off that little strand of web on my LEG. It was huge! So. I muffled my tiny scream, the family is asleep and while running KICKED off my flip flops, slammed the door shut, and went all the way up stairs. Far away from that sucker. bahaha. I almost died. If the spider didn't almost kill me, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack and THAT was going to kill me. hahaha

SO. Now, I'm a little paranoid. Ok. So, very paranoid. haha I feel like its on me still. :P AND i'm not hungry anymore. haha I wish spiders didn't exist. Maybe one day they'll all just die and we won't have anymore spiders.

Until Then.

Saturday, June 4, 2011


I have all this stuff going on in my head but now...I can't seem to get it out right. Even that sentence took me a bit to write out. haha I'm serious!

I can't stop thinking about all the changes. my future. people. life. It is just all jumbled up in my head. Life is just so crazy and there are moments like now where I feel like I just need to take a step back and BREATH. Just. Breath. Which I am doing now. I watched a movie and just chilled out.

So. I will just list some of my thoughts out. Since I can't get them out into legible paragraph forms. haha

1. A few of my closest friends are leaving/moving away very soon.
2. I may have a shot at getting a job at Kohls.
3. Girl's Camp is coming up REAL soon and I have so much to prepare. I am SO excited to go.
4. My family is SO busy this summer. I won't even see my Mom or brothers for the entire summer.
5. I'm having problems STILL with BYU-I. Therefore, I'm looking into schools down here.
6. I had a moment today where I just wanted to break down thinking about stuff, but I didn't let myself.
7. Thoughts of saying goodbye scare me.
8. I'm still awake and have to wake up early. haha
9. I had someone completely make my day by telling me they think I am really pretty. That was just too nice!
10. I'll stop here before I go on and on forever. haha

So. Like I said, I'm just stumped. I think what I need is to just turn to my scriptures. I need something to help me get un-stumped. Un-stuck from these challenges and to help give me a little push forward. Thank goodness for the gospel. I just want to tell the WORLD how amazing it is to be a member of this true church. To know that I am going through some HARD times but I am never truly alone because I have my Heavenly Father and Christ with me always. Just a prayer away. It gives me great comfort in my times of need. I believe everyone needs to feel that.

Until Then.

Thursday, June 2, 2011


So You Think You Can Dance is absolutely amazing, one of my FAVORITE shows of all time.
Dancers just inspire me. I wish with all my heart that I could dance like them and maybe one day I'll take a class. (:

But anyways. haha The EMOTION that they convey through dancing is unbelievable. The joy, happiness, sorrow, heart break, love, and so on. Its all there on the stage. Personally, I love contemporary dancing. Its just beautiful. When they dance you just feel everything they're feeling and its truly a gift.

-Travis and Heidi's contemporary "Bench Dance" LOOK it up on youtube, its amazing. (:

SO, on that note. To any one that dances, whether you know how to dance or you just like having fun, hold onto that. If it is your passion, LIVE it. Hold it. Love it. Be it. Because like I said, its a gift. A true talent. So like they say, "Dance like no one is watching." Let us all be inspired.

Until Then.