Today I was able to form the thought that sometimes your heart just hurts, for no reason at all...at least not a reason that makes sense.
I guess everyone has that feeling sometimes. I think its harder because I do not let anyone TOO close to me unless I trust them completely and I mask my feelings. I do not like to show the sad emotions or anything like that. There is enough of that in the world, I just want to show joy to whoever I come in contact with. Its just hard.
I feel like so many things are ending. Things are changing so fast I can't keep up. I feel like i'm running out of time and it is time I can't get back. I probably should talk to someone and get it all out but I do NOT like getting all emotional (as in, crying) in front of people. Maybe its my own attitude that I would look weak or something. I don't KNOW. But I just do not cry in front of people even most of my friends have NEVER seen me cry. I won't deny crying because I have...a lot. I've shed many tears for many reasons.
So for no reason, that I'm ready to talk about to just anybody, my heart just hurts. Its not broken but it aches. Out of this post, I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me or worry and come to my side instantly, I don't expect that. I've realized by keeping this blog that I can get my thoughts out there without feeling completely vulnerable. Life is hard and there are days where I just want to hide away because nothing is going as planned. I've realized though that life happens when you're too busy planning out the future. So. For now until I figure things out, I'm truly learning to live in the moment as I have tried to always do. I am TRULY going to be living in the moment now. Picking up the pieces of my aching heart and holding them together with my faith and hope. Faith that everything will be fine and Hope that life does move on and gets better.