Well, I feel like so many people trust me enough to know that they can open up to me about ANYthing. Then I sit here and realize how I do not do the same to anyone. Its not that I don't trust anyone, because that isn't the case, I just have never been one to be all open to sharing how I am feeling and such.
So here we are and I'm just feeling as if I need to open up. It may not be to just one particular person but I have always found writing to be an escape. I guess you could say its kinda like therapy. When I sit down to write, my mind is going and words start just flowing. I get captivated by knowing that writing is such a release for me. So, I will continue writing...always.
Now all the truth that I have been holding in. I am the kind of girl that stays smiling at all times, I don't like crying, I come off strong, and probably looks like everything is just perfect. Well, let me just say, my life is far from that. When I go through hard times, I don't show it to the world or even those who are closest to me. I don't like to bring others down when I am down. That is just who I am. However, that doesn't mean I don't feel like others do. I feel so much, so deeply, and that is why I try to just stay strong.
This year has been tough. The goodbyes have been SO hard. I won't lie. I won't even pretend on that one. Saying goodbye, or 'see you later', to some of my best friends definitely took a toll on me. Going through those made me feel so alone even though I wasn't. It was just a shock each time the time came to let go of each person. I haven't just struggled with those goodbyes. I have struggled through so many emotions that its insane. Not having a job or being in school has just made me feel as if I was going no where or I was doing something wrong. Like I said, I have been going through a lot. I've been really low at times but just kept going.
Through these hard times and many others, I have just broken completely down at points. It was during those times that I prayed to my Heavenly Father so fervently. I truly know what it means to go to him with a humble heart and a contrite spirit. I was so broken and lost that going to him was the only thing I knew to do. I know that He is always with me and that he will NEVER ever leave me. Not only did I feel like that, I felt like when I couldn't bear to go on, that is when He carried me.
He carried me. Such a simple phrase but to me it hold so much meaning. I believe that all the hard times I have gone through have made me into a strong person. I am able to make it through anything especially when I have the Lord by my side.
So there is my point, that I can make it through anything. It may be hard but overall it is ultimately worth it. On the 1st of November I went in for an interview at Super Target and came out with a JOB. (: That is my exciting news! I'm just so thrilled and thankful. My prayers have been answered and it is an amazing feeling. I'm still slightly in shock. haha So I have been in a great mood since then. With that I have a new attitude about me. I'm not holding back. To some people I am a shy person, but I won't be anymore. I am going for what I want and I'm giving everything my all.
I feel like I have come a long way and I'm happy. I'm happy with who I am and where I am. All things take time and I truly see that more so now than I have ever before. Life is a crazy roller coaster and my ride is just taking off.