I may look all put together. I may have a smile on my face. I may even be laughing. I may not look like I have a care in the world...but that is just what I am good at...putting on a brave face when inside I am screaming. On the inside I am stressed, I am worried, I am afraid, and I am falling apart.
Its so hard to be so close to someone but at the same time so distanced. Its hard knowing you can't make them tell you what is going on in their head. Its hard not being able to help them. But you know what else is hard? Giving up on something you've held onto for so long.
You go through your days probably hardly thinking of me. You probably don't even think that as long as we have known eachother I have always been here for you. You probably don't even know that I have missed you like crazy. You. Have. No. Idea. You used to talk to me about everything and now you keep secrets from me. I don't know what I did wrong. I guess I am just not her. I am me and I just don't have what it takes I guess. I feel like you meant the world to me and now I'm just invisible to you. I don't matter and that is the worst feeling.
I don't want to give up on you. I want you to know that I am here and my arms will always be outstretched towards you. We're getting busier now and it feels like we're just going our seperate ways. I hate it...I just want to put my arms around you and tell you everything is going to turn out just fine and I'm here. I want you to know that life is hard but you are stronger. I want you to believe that you can be happy and you don't have to be heartbroken anymore. I want you to know you can come to me if that isn't possible and you need someone to open up to. I'm not a mind reader. I need you to talk to me.
I thought I meant more to you....I thought we had a better friendship than what is going on now. I am hurt for being shut out but more than that, I am worried about you.
On the inside, I am falling apart but on the outside I am staying strong for you. I hope that one day you can see that.