Sometimes, if not all the time, I just have these thoughts that RACE through my mind...especially at night. I cannot sleep, I cannot make rational decisions, and sometimes it makes my head hurt. haha So what do I do? I write.
SO. What are these thoughts you ask? Thoughts of college, still job hunting, what to do day to day to stay sane, friends leaving, other's worries and troubles, guys, and so much more. I just want to do so much and I feel so limited at the moment.
I want to get out there. This was the year that I am supposed to be STARTing my life and instead everything I do sets me back 5 steps. I am still having problems with BYU-Idaho and so I worry again about that. Is it really for me? Am I meant to be there? Why is this happening if that is the right thing to do? It just leads to all these questions with just that ONE problem...that one set back.
I am so worried that I am letting people down and that I'm not completing my goals. I want to have hope that everything will work out. That if I have faith and patience things will go as they should. I just get caught up in the worries of the world that I forget to breath and hope for things that are attainable. I just pray that I end up doing what the Lord wants me to do. At this point I feel a little broken. I feel like I need to get back to Him a little bit to feel like I am on the right path again. In time all things will work out. I just need to believe that again. I need to remember that I have my whole life ahead of me and to NOT compare myself to the friends around me. I see them all moving forward and having great opportunities come into their lives. Then here I am. BUT I need to remember, that they probably went through what I am going through now and that my time will come where everything will just fall into place.
For now, I will just pray and write. It will all work out...It has to.