Healthy.

This is just on my mind right now. I want to clarify that I am HEALTHY. I eat all the time, I eat junk food just like everyone else, enjoy healthy foods very much, and I'm just naturally "skinny". It just bugs me to have some people be on me all the time about stuff like that. Yeah, maybe they are joking or that's how they show they "care" but it gets old REAL quick. Let me tell you.

In this world its hard to NOT to be conscious about your body or how you look. Its ridiculous. The need to work out more than you eat, to be on crazy diets, to restrict yourself from foods, etc. Its just insane! I don't see why we can't all just eat healthy, work out at a normal amount, and be happy with the way we look. We all may have insecurities over different part of our bodies but we need to banish them. We need to stand up and not let people point them out to make us feel inferior or like we must change. When someone teases you about your body or whatever, put them in their place by saying, "Yeah, don't I look great?" or "Leave me alone. I love how I look." I don't care what you say but don't let anyone make you feel uncomfortable about how you look. I know, its hard! Its hard to feel completely confident about yourself all the time, I know. BUT it definitely is worth your effort to try. Just be happy.

One day last year, after a long day and a morning of strenuous activity, I passed out. It WAS scary. So, I know that a few people haven't let that go and just see it as I need to eat more. Even though it was LAST year and I don't do that kind of crazy running every day. Its just...oy. It gets to me. Like I said, they are joking and its all funny. But seriously, its pushing it. I do not like the constant reminder, the random times that someone says, "WELL what did you eat today?" blah. blah. blah. Give it a rest and let me be my skinny self that likes yoga and loves junk food as much as I love my veggies and fruits. Thank you.

So ladies, young and old, like my favorite mormonad says: BE YOUR OWN KIND OF BEAUTIFUL. "...The Lord seeth not as the mas seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7. (: Do not change for anyone unless its for yourself and to be a better YOU. For we shouldn't care about what other's think about us but how we feel about ourselves...and ultimately, how the Lord sees us. We are daughter's of our Heavenly Father. He loves us no matter what. Stay strong, put a smile on your face, and stand up for yourself. This world is a big critic and sometimes we are our biggest critics. However. Be your own kind of beautiful, be at peace with yourself, and know you are perfect in His eyes. Hopefully, one day the way girls/women look will not be the main focus in society and everyone can learn to just LOVE themselves however they may appear to the world.

Until Then.

p.s. On this topic, there is a great movement/company called "Healthy is the New Skinny"-- look it up! Brilliant posts, blog, pictures, and so on. They've nailed it! Its all about just feeling healthy and loving yourself just the way you are.

R.I.P

... to our Washing Machine. :P hahaha Yes. This post is mainly geared towards the mourning of this great invention. haha Seriously. I was going to come home from FHE and do my laundry. Now...I cannot. SO. With this I have once agained learned that nothing ever goes as planned, nothing goes that smoothly, and you cannot predict the trials you'll have from day to day.

haha Yes. I made our washing machine killing over into a learning experience. OH man, time to sleep.

Until Then.

Missionaries.

OH. MY. GOODNESS. I can't believe that I have so many friends going on missions right now, its so unreal. My cousin Audra will be going on one, Jon is leaving on Tuesday, Eric leaves in ONE month, Greg leaves in September, Kelsey has her papers in and so does Taylor.

6 people. 5 of which I see on a daily/weekly basis. I just cannot believe it. They're all going to be so great. I have not a doubt in my mind that each one of them will be AMAZING. (: I just wish they were not all leaving at once. haha Since we all know...I suck at goodbyes.

Since Jon is the first to go, he is the first to have a picture in my blog. Congrats again Jon on this decision you have made in your life. You are going to be such a great missionary. You're going to touch SO many lives with your willingness to teach and your strong testimony. See you in 2 years. (:

Wow, time just flies. My word of advice is to cherish each day, each moment, each memory, each embrace, each happiness, eachother. Really...just cherish life. Its so easy to get caught up in the world that is why we need to make the effort to keep ourselves grounded and spiritually high. As Audra once said, "Cherish the now because all too soon it becomes yesterday."

Until Then.

Pilates!

SO. Since I couldn't sleep I decided to watch a show but instead I found the fitness channel on demand. I decided what the heck, lets see whats on that. NOW...one of my new favorite channels. haha Better yet, there are a ton of programs on demand. Yoga, pilates, etc. :D

I already love yoga so I thought pilates would be fun. Yep! I definitely enjoyed it. I feel SO good after just 30 minutes. I plan on doing all of this more often during the day. haha Instead of late at night. However, now I am tired and ready to sleep. haha Goodnight, Its going to be a great friday. (:

Until Then.

Grateful.

Right now I am so grateful for my friends. All day I just hung out at home, just hiding away from the world. I listened to music, hung out with my little brother, and watched movies. BUT this status on FB that I posted made me answer questions about whoever "liked" it. SO. I did that today.

Its silly but what I got from posting all those things on my friend's walls made me just really appreciate them. I thought about all the fun times we have had, what I really like about them, when we first met, and more. It really made me think about how good of a friends we are, me and each one of them. If anything, I'm just extremely grateful to have them in my life. They all know who they are.

The moral of all this is there are days where you're just going to want to hide away from everything. Not answer the phone, texts, messages on FB, or anything...you are just going to want to sit around and be alone. However, when your skies are dark and dreary the friends you have are going to be that little bit of sunlight shining through. That hand that is going to reach out and take yours. Those arms that are you going to pull you in and NOT let you go until you feel better. Those are your true friends. Friends are there in the good times BUT you know who your true friends are when they are still around for the bad times too. (:

Tell your friends often what they mean to you. Show the love, be the shoulder to cry on, the listening ear, the friend that is there for another at the drop of a hat, and the friend that everyone loves. Friends are an important part of life, there is no doubt about that. I hope every one of you knows this.

Until Then.

Goodbyes.

I suck at goodbyes. Mainly because I HATE crying. I just hate it. So Kelly is gone for the summer. I didn't want her to have to go. /: But I'm excited she has a summer job now. That is wonderful and I'm just so happy for her. She is doing so well, it makes me happy.

But...I just need a hug and someone that will let me just cry on their shoulder. AND I never ask for that. :P ughhhh. haha Goodbyes suck.

However, Its not like its forEVER but who knows when she'll get to come back home to visit. Hopefully thanksgiving.

Until Then.

Gone.

At the moment I have one song going through my mind, replaying itself over and over again. Its called "When you're gone" by Avril Lavigne.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it okay...I miss you.

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do, Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone,
the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone,
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it okay...I miss you.

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breath, I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone,
the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone,
the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone,
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it okay...I miss you.

I don't EXACTLY know why this song decided to hit me right now, this night. I guess a lot of different stuff has been on my mind lately and this song's beautiful lyrics capture the emotion...the words I dare not say. I think that is what music is. The lyrics are just words we cannot say because we're scared or too hurt or the timing is not right. But for some reason in a song, those words are captured and our deepest thoughts come to the surface. So, here are mine in this Avril song. Thoughts I can't say out loud, feelings of being disconnected, missing people when they leave and even BEFORE they're gone...

I wish that we could all just say what we want to say when we want to say it...but thats life. We can't all be strong enough to let our true emotions show. Maybe one day.

Until Then.

Change.

As you live life from day to day its hard to realize that you leave parts of you behind and change. You become a different person all in all, not at once of course.

But one day, you wake up and realize you have changed a little bit too much to the point where it makes you say "who am I, really? what am I doing?" Sometimes you say that because you like what you've become but the you may say that because, its not who you want to be at all. You want to go back to how you were.

In order to go back, you need to figure out what you changed, why you changed it, what to change back, and how you WANT to be now. Its hard. Trials, heart ache, friends, family, just day to day life really makes you into WHO you are. Through everything you see what you're really made of.

I think we don't really know who we want to be in this life, everything is ever changing. I know that I have changed and sometimes I feel like I want to go back. Back to my old self. BUT then I realize what I have done to get to where I am now. The struggles I have been through, the people I have known, and all that I've done in my life. I am still young and with that I feel like I have my whole life to figure out who I am and who I want to be. The real test in this life is that, finding out who you are and try to not be afraid of it. (:

So here is to hoping that we all find the strength within us to be all that we can be. To become who we want to be. To love who we are.

Until Then.

Smile.

A simple way to show you care.
A simple way to show love.
A simple way to show gratitude.
A simple way to show friendship.
A simple way to show happiness.
A simple way to show strength.
A simple way to show content.
A simple way to show excitement.
A simple way to show all these great emotions.

However. Oh, what a smile can hide.

Behind a smile could be a broken heart.
Behind a smile could be a contrite spirit.
Behind a smile could be a depressed soul.
Behind a smile could be racing thoughts.
Behind a smile could be hurt.
Behind a smile could be sorrow.
Behind a smile could be tears being held back.
Behind a smile could be someone weak.

Who knew that a smile could be the ultimate mask. A mask for the sorrowful, a mask for the hurting, and ultimately a mask for a frown. This life is hard but as we have all been taught, you smile and get through it. No one said it would be easy, only worth it.

Well. In my life, I want to be the friend to everyone that helps them through their hard times. I want to be the one friends can come to if they need anything, so that their smiles can be unmasked. I want to help heal hearts, hold those who are weak, be the shoulder to cry on, and the listening ear. I don't want to be a passive friend. I want my friends to know I am here for them in the good times and BAD, as cheesy as that may sound. This life is hard and no one should have to go through it alone.

Seeing others smile, brings a smile to my heart. No one should have to fake a smile around me...I want their smiles to be pure joy and all those good things I listed first. BUT I know this is life and its a test, so hard times are going to come and a smile is going to have to mask what is really being felt. I just want my friends to know, I'm here for them, my family too.

Smile. It makes the whole world brighter. (:

Until Then.

Sunshine.

SO. I don't like leaving this blog on kind of a depressing note. hahaha So here we are. (:
Today it is beautiful outside. The sun is shining and I am LOVING it. You know what would make it better? Being at the beach right now. :D Ah, that would be perfect. I love how the sun feels when it hits your skin. Warm, comforting, and makes you just want to stay outside forever. Much better than the bitter cold. (; haha



I think after I finish cleaning the living room from "Prom" stuff, I will go outside. Paint my nails, play with the dog, jump on the trampoline. Yep. That is a good day. (:

In short, I wanted to make a list of things I am grateful for TODAY.

- The sun. The Gospel. Family. Faith. Love. Hoping. Best friends. Laughter. Advice. Service. Pets. Music. Band-aids. A home. Institute. The Scriptures. Missionaries. Prayer. Good news. Happinedd. Nail polish. Doctors, nurses, police officers, fire-fighters, soldiers, etc. Safety. Comfort. A bed. Blankets. I'm thankful for everything. Life is a gift although its a struggle, its a gift nonetheless. I am blessed.

Until Then.

Write.

Just. Write.

Sometimes, if not all the time, I just have these thoughts that RACE through my mind...especially at night. I cannot sleep, I cannot make rational decisions, and sometimes it makes my head hurt. haha So what do I do? I write.

SO. What are these thoughts you ask? Thoughts of college, still job hunting, what to do day to day to stay sane, friends leaving, other's worries and troubles, guys, and so much more. I just want to do so much and I feel so limited at the moment.

I want to get out there. This was the year that I am supposed to be STARTing my life and instead everything I do sets me back 5 steps. I am still having problems with BYU-Idaho and so I worry again about that. Is it really for me? Am I meant to be there? Why is this happening if that is the right thing to do? It just leads to all these questions with just that ONE problem...that one set back.

I am so worried that I am letting people down and that I'm not completing my goals. I want to have hope that everything will work out. That if I have faith and patience things will go as they should. I just get caught up in the worries of the world that I forget to breath and hope for things that are attainable. I just pray that I end up doing what the Lord wants me to do. At this point I feel a little broken. I feel like I need to get back to Him a little bit to feel like I am on the right path again. In time all things will work out. I just need to believe that again. I need to remember that I have my whole life ahead of me and to NOT compare myself to the friends around me. I see them all moving forward and having great opportunities come into their lives. Then here I am. BUT I need to remember, that they probably went through what I am going through now and that my time will come where everything will just fall into place.

For now, I will just pray and write. It will all work out...It has to.

Until Then.