Monday, August 8, 2011


Ok. I have 2 things today that I would like to rant about. haha So bear with me.
1. I really dislike being singled out, especially in front of a lot of people. At church (8.7.2011) in RS and announcement was made about this college seminar. Its about this loan you can get for cal-states or whatever. (I went to it last time they had it here) WELL. A woman next to me leaned over and told me I need to go to that and I said yeah, I probably will. After that the woman reading the announcement looks up at me and says "Yes, you most definitely need to be there Jessica" which caused everyone to turn and look at me. When I am singled out like that, I freeze and in that situation I just whispered a thank you. So dumb but I didn't know what to say. I was so frustrated for some reason. I had to leave. So after the opening song, I picked up my stuff, and left. I sat on the couch and read an amazing missionary letter from Eric and the scriptures he said I should read. SO. I KNOW I am supposed to be in school, I want to be in school, I wish I was in school, and I need to get out of here. I don't need to be constantly told what I should do. It makes me mad. I feel like I have failed not being in school already and like I'm being looked down on constantly. But anyways. That is my first rant.
2. My freedom. I don't have much when a certain someone is home. I even have time limits on the computer. It is just frustrating because I won't pull the "I'm over 18 card" but I can't think of anything else! I just want to be out so bad. I want to have a job already and be in school. It just sucks! I don't know what I am doing wrong. I just can't get it all right. Sometimes I feel like I've got it figured out and then other times...i'm back in a pit. WELL, here I am again in the pit. I have no car, no job, and slowly but surely I won't have a lot of freedom. I'm just frustrated, mainly with myself.
So. There are my 2 rants. haha I feel a little better now and my head isn't pounding as much. (I gave myself a dang headache! :P)
On another note, I watched The Notebook last night. I absolutely LOVE that movie. However, now I feel as if I can relate to it in some way. I just think of one particular person and I don't want to watch it for a while, unless i'm alone. haha Its just hard. You think missing people would get easier over time...not so much. When people are gone you REALLY realize how many pages of your life they were on. How much of them is in you and when they feel as if a piece of you left with them.
Well. That is all. I've ranted and now I am done. I love the gospel, through all this craziness that is the only constant thing in my life. It is my rock, my solid foundation. I'm thankful for it and wouldn't be who I am today with out it.
Until Then.

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