Words.

So I have learned that you will always have at least one person in your life that just BUGS you. haha Thats life! As nice as you are there will be someone who just somehow can get under your skin. Well I have someone in my life like that. Not good.

This person particularly bothers me with words. What is said to me is not always the nicest. Of course this person thinks what is being said is funny but truth is, it isn't. It hurts. I have learned that words can cut the deepest and leave scars that are unseen. You may forgive people for what they say but you sure never forget how it made you feel.

I feel like I am a nice, pretty calm, person but that doesn't mean I can't stick up for myself. You better believe I can. Well this person got a little taste of what is to come if I hear more rude/trying to be funny comments.

Words are powerful. OH so powerful. Words can make you smile, laugh, hurt, cry, and more. They can save some one or they can be why someone needs saving. We need to be careful in the manner of which we speak. We need to be cautious about what escapes our mouths. It is important to always realize what you are saying to others. My mom always quoted the movie Bambi growing up, "If you can't say something nice, then don't say nothing at all." (-Thumper) It is so true. If you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself. Don't use your words to hurt another person.

So I kindly say, watch what you say. Think about how you would feel if someone said to you, what you say to others. Think about how you can talk positively. Think about how you can speak nicely. Think about how you say things and what you say before its too late.

Until Then.

Long.

This week has been so long and draining. Seriously.

Well, on the 22nd, I got to go to the temple with some great friends. It was exactly what I needed. Then I went to see Lion King in 3D with an awesome guy and Transformers with another awesome guy on the 23rd. haha Then the 24th I spent the day reading and then hung out with some of my closest friends, which brought me a lot of joy and much needed laughter.

Now, I'm just sitting here all teary eyed. (which I don't like) Trying to wrap my brain around the fact that Callie is really gone and its been 1 week. Just one week. One long week. Between those fun times that I made myself go to, it was just so hard. I can't begin to describe how hurt I still feel over losing her. I don't know why exactly, but I can tell that today is going to be difficult.

So I had one of THE worst dreams last night, I guess you can call it a nightmare. In part of it Callie was there. The sad part was she kept dissapearing and I could never get too close to her, to hold her or anything! It was just really hard. The other part of it was one of my best friends saved some guy from being hit by a train but in return was hit himself and then just died! It was truly a nightmare. Like one of those where in the dream you are crying SO hard that you wake up exhausted...as if you should've woken up crying or had been crying all night. It was just insane. So anyways.

I am really trying to come to terms with this. (and trying to have better dreams...they have been SO wack lately.) I am still reading my sciptures and praying. I am still doing all the things I should. I haven't fallen from the gospel because of this, tradegies like this always bring me even closer. Like, if I stay closer to Him I can feel his love more and be comforted. Because honestly, that is all I want right now....

Just some comfort.


Until Then.

p.s. I miss you baby girl.

Callie.

      
So I thought after this weekend that my post was going to be about my great time at Cabrillo Beach, nope. This post is bigger than just that couple of days at the beach.

     Taylee and I came home on Sunday, September.18.2011, to be sat down right as we walked through the door. My mom then said something happened while you were gone. I don't remember exactly what she said because I was in shock, all I heard was Callie was killed. mauled by a dog most likely. I don't like crying in front of ANYone and that includes my family but I couldn't help it. I couldn't believe that while I was away my baby was here defenseless.

After she told us, she asked if we wanted to see her...of course I wanted to see her one last time. We went outside where my mom had her wrapped up in a towel in a box. When I saw her all I could do was try hard to not completely let go. That was so hard. Then I got to hold her little lifeless body. I just rocked her and kissed her beautiful head. We buried her on Sunday as well and my dad said a wonderful prayer.

       I got to see a few of my friends that day. I guess before my mom told me, she told Brian who got it out to everyone that I needed them. It was a blessing I guess because we all know I wouldn't have talked to anyone that day. So Brian, Taylor, and Kylie came over to cheer me up. Then I saw Momma J and Ryan later in the day. It is a blessing to have friends like them.

I don't expect anyone to understand why I am so heart broken over "just a cat" but that's just it, she was NOT "just a cat". I remember when I came home from spending the night at Megan's house back in like 2004 and saw 2 baby kittens, Callie and Flower, sitting on my mom's bed just meowing away. I saw Callie and knew she was mine and I was her's. She has had a piece of my heart ever since. Mom saved them because their mother had been killed and they were still so young. So we bottle fed them and everything, raised them up so cute. EVEN when they both went through their fat stages, we just loved those 2 little ones.

Callie was such a cuddler, I could always count on her to make me smile. She would just want to be close to me. When she would get purring really loud and be really happy...she drooled. It was seriously one of the funniest things. She was always so playful. AND she was the first one out of the 2 to ever kill something. haha It may have been just a bird but lizards and such followed that. My little hunter. Since the 2 couldn't get along with my mom's cat Koda, they got put in a dog run outside. Once Callie thinned up, that gate around her was NOTHING. haha She would scale that thing and loved her freedom. I would bring her inside to sleep with me, I regret not doing it more often though...especially when she started jumping the gate to stay up front...

     There are so many good memories with her, that was my baby. My sweetheart...and she always will be. I will never EVER forget her. I am filled with so much guilt for not being here when she needed me the most, for not being here to save her, for not helping her in that time of need...that crucial moment of her precious life. I wish that I would've been here to do something. I haven't told anyone, but Saturday night I could NOT sleep! I seriously kept thinking earlier that evening that something bad was going to happen and all night I felt like something was wrong at home. But I was there and couldn't do anything, I guess I could have picked up the phone and just called even though it was late.


   

They say everything happens for a reason and I have said multiple times that I believe that with my whole heart. But honestly, in this moment, I don't believe it at all. I don't see the reason in losing her. I am heart broken, it hurt our family, and her sister is left without her. I don't see the reason in this. I pray that one day I will understand because right now I really don't.

I miss her terribly. My heart is aching over losing my sweet baby. I have that feeling like I want to be held until I feel even just a little better. Because waking up every morning wishing it had all just been a horrible nightmare but its the terrible reality is so hard.

So Callie, know that I love you. Know that I always have and I always will. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you at the end and sorry you had to go that way. Know that your collar is the newest bracelet for me, I miss you that much that. You had a beautiful life and you brought such happiness to mine. You will always be my sweetheart. You will always have a piece of my heart and one day I will see you again. I hope you have been reunited with Tiger, Meeko, and Peggy. You always loved them. I know you're being taken care of and that there is a special place in heaven for pets like you. You have left paw prints on my heart that will forever remain and millions of pictures for me to look back on. I love you. SO much.

Until Then.

Greg's Time.

SO. Today it was time to say goodbye to another great friend, Greg. Sunday he gave a fantastic talk and in just a couple of days he is leaving for his mission. I can't believe it...time seriously flew. Anyways, so its his turn for a blog post.

Me and Greg met a few years ago when he asked me to be his dance partner for the dance festival! haha That was SO much fun. Seems like so long ago. Now here we are at the edge of our seats, leaning into our futures, and he is jumping off! Ready for the MTC and ready to serve in Mexico.

Well Greg, we have had a lot of fun over the years with dance festival, youth dances, youth conference, FHE, YSA dances, and whatnot. Then you got to go off to BYU, which I was so proud of, AND got to meet the girl of your dreams! (: So as you get ready to head off, don't be nervous, just think about everyone who is standing behind you just cheering you on. YOU are going to be so great out there! I have no doubt in my mind about that. Your testimony has always been so strong and you are so strong in this gospel. I hope you pick up the language quickly, that you learn more than you ever thought possible, that you find those who are meant to teach, and that you always strive to do your best. Be strong out there. Remember when times get tough that all you need to do is get on your knees. He is always there for you and we are all only a letter away. I'm sure you'll be just great out there. Just keep that upbeat, happy attitude about you and you'll be fine. Be safe...don't get too crazy though but don't lose that spontaneous fun streak you've got in you. haha Good luck!

See you in 2 years Elder Greg Jordan. (:
Until Then.

P.S. Look what I found. hahaha

Remembering.

"Where were you when the world stopped turning, that September day?"
-Alan Jackson

It has been 10 years. Can you remember where you were? How you were feeling? What you did? Can you remember the day as clearly as most americans? I can and I was only in 5th grade.
I remember my teacher getting an e-mail or SOMEthing that made her turn the T.V. on in the corner of the room which revealed the horrible event that had just taken place. We all watched, trying not to get teary eyed because it wasn't "cool" but all just sitting in silence. Then coming home after school to continue watching everything unfold on just about every station on T.V. It was horrifying.

So tonight I watched a few documentaries about that day, as I do every year, and I am just filled with so much emotion. I was brought up in a very patriotic home. I'm so proud of anyone in the military, of fire fighters, and of police men. I have always been taught to respect them with all i've got, to respect the flag, to honor those who have fallen, to stand at attention and recite the Pledge of Allegiance, and to be thankful for this great country.

I am not angry at what happened. For my anger cannot help anything, take it back, or be constructive. I am humbled. I know that anything can happen in just a blink of an eye. It may be something awful or something good, but nevertheless things happen quickly. I am proud. Proud of those men and women who fought to save themselves and others when those towers were falling. Proud of those fire fighters and police men. They may have been full of fear but it did not stop them from doing the right thing. For they did not do anything to become heros, they were only thinking of others and how they could help. I am thankful to be a part of a great country. It may not be perfect but nothing ever is. Every day is a new day to grow and learn from September 11th, 2001. Everyday we grow stronger.

September 11th will never be forgotten. It still makes me sad that something so tragic like that act of terrorism happened. Words are not enough to explain how I feel about it. I just find it so important to thank those who we now call our heros, I express my sorrow to those who were lost and their families, and I make sure that my family always know that I love them. For that is one of the most important lessons, I think, that can be learned from all of this.

You never know when the end is coming, when YOUR end is coming. So say "I love you" often. Tell those close to you how much they mean to you. Say thank you to the brave men and women serving our country. Whether it be a soldier, police men, or fire fighters...always thank them for their service. Hug often, laugh more, love deeply, be yourself, and love God. That is all so important because you just never know when you'll be leaving this earth.

Speaking of God, I found this and loved it.

"As you might remember, the head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started kindergarten. Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts. One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time. One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident. One of them missed his bus. One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change. One's car wouldn't start. One couldn't get a taxi. The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot...He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today..Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone...all the little things that annoy me...I think to myself, 'This is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment'. Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; it may be just that God is at work watching over you. May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose."

So. Always remember. Always. Everyone has a plan for them and there is a purpose for everything. We may not understand right now the reason for each little thing...but there is a reason. So just always remember, today and everyday.

Until Then. ♥

Broken.

Broken.

$175 retainer...broken.

So, how did I start my morning? By being woken up with this put in my face. Tay found my retainer on the stairs like this.

I take FULL responsibility for it, even though I don't know how it broke...or how it even got there. Last night I had an awful headache so I didn't put my retainer in and forgot I left it on the table. I only wear it at night and so now my worst fear is that my teeth will move. THAT is one of my top fears. 3 years of braces sucked that much. :P

Anyways. From there my day went down hill. Ortho didn't answer OR call me back after 3 messages. They really stink at that, I think a new receptionist is in order. haha Everything just kinda hit the fan today.

But out of everything, going forward just to get knocked back is making me a stronger person. I may not feel strong right now but I know that the Lord wouldn't put me through these trials if He knew I couldn't make it through. SO. With that, I know I can get through everything. Through this retainer mess, through not having a job yet, through still being in Moval when I so want to be out, through having to say goodbye to my best friend and friends for 2 years, and so on. I will get through everything and I will come out of it stronger than ever. I will continue learning through this all. I will make it. I will.

Well, i'm exhausted. SO drained today. I always hear that when you have a terrible day you should just sit and thing about the things you WERE grateful for through out the day. So here we go:

1. Friends that make me laugh.

2. Self Control, I'd hate to just have cried all day so i'm glad I didn't.

3. Big long hugs that make me feel like everything is better for at least that moment.

4. INSTITUTE. It was a blessing that it started tonight.

5. make-up. haha Yep.

6. Food. Although, I hardly had an appetite today.

7. The scriptures.

8. Prayer.

9. The sunshine.

10. Hot showers and music.

and finally:

11. My Heavenly Father and Christ...and the trust they have in me.

Things will all work out in time. Everything happens for a reason. I understand it all one day.

Until Then.