Tuesday, September 20, 2011


So I thought after this weekend that my post was going to be about my great time at Cabrillo Beach, nope. This post is bigger than just that couple of days at the beach.

     Taylee and I came home on Sunday, September.18.2011, to be sat down right as we walked through the door. My mom then said something happened while you were gone. I don't remember exactly what she said because I was in shock, all I heard was Callie was killed. mauled by a dog most likely. I don't like crying in front of ANYone and that includes my family but I couldn't help it. I couldn't believe that while I was away my baby was here defenseless.

After she told us, she asked if we wanted to see her...of course I wanted to see her one last time. We went outside where my mom had her wrapped up in a towel in a box. When I saw her all I could do was try hard to not completely let go. That was so hard. Then I got to hold her little lifeless body. I just rocked her and kissed her beautiful head. We buried her on Sunday as well and my dad said a wonderful prayer.

       I got to see a few of my friends that day. I guess before my mom told me, she told Brian who got it out to everyone that I needed them. It was a blessing I guess because we all know I wouldn't have talked to anyone that day. So Brian, Taylor, and Kylie came over to cheer me up. Then I saw Momma J and Ryan later in the day. It is a blessing to have friends like them.

I don't expect anyone to understand why I am so heart broken over "just a cat" but that's just it, she was NOT "just a cat". I remember when I came home from spending the night at Megan's house back in like 2004 and saw 2 baby kittens, Callie and Flower, sitting on my mom's bed just meowing away. I saw Callie and knew she was mine and I was her's. She has had a piece of my heart ever since. Mom saved them because their mother had been killed and they were still so young. So we bottle fed them and everything, raised them up so cute. EVEN when they both went through their fat stages, we just loved those 2 little ones.

Callie was such a cuddler, I could always count on her to make me smile. She would just want to be close to me. When she would get purring really loud and be really happy...she drooled. It was seriously one of the funniest things. She was always so playful. AND she was the first one out of the 2 to ever kill something. haha It may have been just a bird but lizards and such followed that. My little hunter. Since the 2 couldn't get along with my mom's cat Koda, they got put in a dog run outside. Once Callie thinned up, that gate around her was NOTHING. haha She would scale that thing and loved her freedom. I would bring her inside to sleep with me, I regret not doing it more often though...especially when she started jumping the gate to stay up front...

     There are so many good memories with her, that was my baby. My sweetheart...and she always will be. I will never EVER forget her. I am filled with so much guilt for not being here when she needed me the most, for not being here to save her, for not helping her in that time of need...that crucial moment of her precious life. I wish that I would've been here to do something. I haven't told anyone, but Saturday night I could NOT sleep! I seriously kept thinking earlier that evening that something bad was going to happen and all night I felt like something was wrong at home. But I was there and couldn't do anything, I guess I could have picked up the phone and just called even though it was late.

They say everything happens for a reason and I have said multiple times that I believe that with my whole heart. But honestly, in this moment, I don't believe it at all. I don't see the reason in losing her. I am heart broken, it hurt our family, and her sister is left without her. I don't see the reason in this. I pray that one day I will understand because right now I really don't.

I miss her terribly. My heart is aching over losing my sweet baby. I have that feeling like I want to be held until I feel even just a little better. Because waking up every morning wishing it had all just been a horrible nightmare but its the terrible reality is so hard.

So Callie, know that I love you. Know that I always have and I always will. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you at the end and sorry you had to go that way. Know that your collar is the newest bracelet for me, I miss you that much that. You had a beautiful life and you brought such happiness to mine. You will always be my sweetheart. You will always have a piece of my heart and one day I will see you again. I hope you have been reunited with Tiger, Meeko, and Peggy. You always loved them. I know you're being taken care of and that there is a special place in heaven for pets like you. You have left paw prints on my heart that will forever remain and millions of pictures for me to look back on. I love you. SO much.

Until Then.

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