Monday, February 6, 2012


I have work at 8:15 in the morning and I cannot sleep...even if I tried. My thoughts are so loud I feel like I should be screaming. My heart is so heavy I feel like I'm drowning. My tears are flowing so freely...I feel like this isn't real. 

Some things in life are just plain terrible. Ugly. Horrible  and plainly put...disgusting. I have no words left in me to describe how betrayed I feel from someone who is supposed to be one of the most important people in my life. I've lost all respect, I've lost the close connection we started re-building, I've given up on looking up to this person in any way, and I'm just angry and embarrassed. For the other person involved...I'm disgusted. I don't understand how this can be going on without a thought as to the other people in your lives would feel if this was to blow up. I want to tell you both to stay the hell away from eachother. If only I could.

I can't breathe because now I am not the only one to know about this. You both have subjected someone so dear to your disgusting mess. I hate seeing her hurt, seeing her cry kills me, and seeing her trying to figure out how SHE could "fix" this...makes me sick. Its not her place to even know about this, let alone try to fix it. I've cried countless times over this and I fell apart when I saw that now it cause her to cry as I have.

I feel like I've said too much without even saying much at all. All I want to do is be on my knees praying until this gets worked out. Until this stops. Until these people learn. Until these people get talked to and reprimanded for what they're doing. I need an answer...I feel like I need to do something else besides just put up a front and act like I don't know whats going on.

Now, to Scott, you may never read this but I need to publicly say how thankful I am for YOU. I hate crying especially in front of people. But you came over and got me talking about everything. You got me smiling, you cared for me, and you let me just break down and cry on your shoulder. That means the world to me...I hope you really know that. I can't imagine my life without you by my side. I'm not afraid of what may come as long as you stand beside me. Thank you, with every part of my heart I say thank you. You're a blessing and I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have a boyfriend like you.

Until Then.

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