Guarded.

One more post for the day. I have for a few days so I figured two for the day wouldn't be so bad.

Well for various reasons i'm not a VERY open book. That is just who I am. I have to have known you for a while to really open up and talk to you about what is going on in my mind, how I am really feeling, etc. Like if I call you my best friend, its serious because I trust you and know I can talk to you about anything. Ok ANYways, I feel very guarded when it comes to relationships. Yes, I will go on dates and such but when I feel like it is getting serious...I tend to pull back and withdraw myself a bit. Especially if I am unsure about how I feel.

I don't do that to hurt anyone or lead anyone on. I just feel guarded. I have my wall up a lot and I just protect myself from being hurt and especially from hurting others. Its just right now I am figuring myself out, working on my plan, trying to figure out where I belong and my feelings, and its hard to add someone to that craziness I call my life.

So, I am more cautious. I seriously consider everything when I make a decision. Which I guess makes me a guarded person. I don't think it makes me strong, I don't think it makes me weak, I just feel like an average girl with a lot of self-control and a good perspective. I try to always see the bigger picture even when its hard.

With all of that, I just want to date different people and just have fun. Nothing serious just yet, nothing that moves too fast, just fun. I still have a lot of growing to do. I know that. Everyday I learn something new, I believe in myself more, and I want to be better. There is just so much I still need to accomplish and learn. Well, thats all. I just needed to put it out there. One day, I won't be so guarded or I'll just find, (or just be re-assured that it is someone I know), that one person who loves me enough to not give up and just break my wall down.

Until Then.