Scared.

I can't say what I really want to say. I'm scared of the outcome...the response I may get. I'm not good at these things. I have too much self control, too much self doubt, and I can't just let it out.

I over think EVERYthing and that scares me. I think "what if" and about all the bad things that could happen. I need to think positive and think maybe it'll be really good. BUT. Sometimes its just hard to see that. I HOPE that good things can come out of what I want to say and do but this is life...you never know what can happen. I am just a hopeless romantic being held down by my own insecurities. Even writing this blog post was SO hard.

How do I become unafraid? How do I just let down this wall I have up and say how I feel? How do I believe that I can remember all I want to say? How. How. How. haha

I don't want to regret anything in life but I feel like if I don't speak now, I will regret this. I will regret not being able to say the words I truly want to say. To do the thing I want to do. If I don't, I would have to live with the "What if I DID say what my heart wanted me to say?" I don't want to live with that thought.

Its a funny thing, putting myself out there. Letting myself feel vulnerable...it is just not in my nature to do so. I'm not the one to take to big of a risk. It scares me to death. Literally scares me. I feel those "butterflies", my head spins, and I become unable to get my words out. It is not fun! haha I guess that is just how it goes though.

Ah! I don't know what to do. haha I need a sign.

Until Then.