Peace.

In a talk today at church a Sister spoke about how the world basically revolves around this idea of peace, finding peace, being peaceful...Peace.

In this world where trials come constantly, heartache happens daily, friendships and families break, and all the other terrible things that go on I can see why we all hold on to the idea of peace. My best friend also spoke, he spoke about overcoming trials. The key to overcoming trials is truly the gospel.

I feel so extremely blessed to have the gospel in my life. Life gets hard...it gets dark, cold, and dreary sometimes but it doesn't have to stay that way. Through this gospel, my spirit is lifted constantly. I feel like I learn something new every single day.

With that, another Sister spoke of talents. Learning new talents, helping old ones grow, and so on. Every day I learn more about what I'm capable of but sometimes I can't come up with my "talents". But. In this moment, I know I have a talent...a gift even, the gift of empathy. I feel like I can talk with people so well and comfort them because I FEEL what they feel. When others hurt, I hurt with them. When others are so joyful they want to yell it to the world, I yell with them. I am blessed. AND so are each one of you. Each one of us have talents that are waiting to be discovered. That are waiting to be practiced. That are OURS. Find your talent and don't be afraid of it.

Now, back to peace. The world so desperately wants to find peace but really, each one of us needs to find peace WITHIN us. We face new problems, new battles you could say, each day. I feel so strongly that with the gospel those times can be overcome and we can feel that true peace within our souls. Our souls. That's deep! But its true. Its OK to feel like broken down and all those other hard feelings we as humans feel but what is not OK, is letting those feelings over take us or just stay there wallowing in them. We should always be striving for peace. Striving to feel pure joy and happiness. Striving to feel complete and whole, happy with ourselves.

So, always strive for peace. When you feel peace, hold onto it. Hold onto it for dear LIFE.

Until Then.

Broken.

Today I was able to form the thought that sometimes your heart just hurts, for no reason at all...at least not a reason that makes sense.

I guess everyone has that feeling sometimes. I think its harder because I do not let anyone TOO close to me unless I trust them completely and I mask my feelings. I do not like to show the sad emotions or anything like that. There is enough of that in the world, I just want to show joy to whoever I come in contact with. Its just hard.

I feel like so many things are ending. Things are changing so fast I can't keep up. I feel like i'm running out of time and it is time I can't get back. I probably should talk to someone and get it all out but I do NOT like getting all emotional (as in, crying) in front of people. Maybe its my own attitude that I would look weak or something. I don't KNOW. But I just do not cry in front of people even most of my friends have NEVER seen me cry. I won't deny crying because I have...a lot. I've shed many tears for many reasons.

So for no reason, that I'm ready to talk about to just anybody, my heart just hurts. Its not broken but it aches. Out of this post, I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me or worry and come to my side instantly, I don't expect that. I've realized by keeping this blog that I can get my thoughts out there without feeling completely vulnerable. Life is hard and there are days where I just want to hide away because nothing is going as planned. I've realized though that life happens when you're too busy planning out the future. So. For now until I figure things out, I'm truly learning to live in the moment as I have tried to always do. I am TRULY going to be living in the moment now. Picking up the pieces of my aching heart and holding them together with my faith and hope. Faith that everything will be fine and Hope that life does move on and gets better.

Until Then.

SPIDERS.

Seriously, spiders are one of my biggest fears. Tonight I swear, I had a brush with death! haha
Ok. So...that is a little dramatic. Here is the story. haha

I'm looking for something healthy to eat since it was midnight and I was a little hungry. Nothing good is in the house so I wanted to check the garage. I put on a pair of flip flops and go in the garage. I looked in the cupboard but there was nothing so I was going to look in the freezer for like fruit or something. Walk towards the freezer and I felt my leg go through what felt like a spider web but it didn't completely phase me. However, I took one more step and it was still on my leg. I look down and a BLACK spider is hanging off that little strand of web on my LEG. It was huge! So. I muffled my tiny scream, the family is asleep and while running KICKED off my flip flops, slammed the door shut, and went all the way up stairs. Far away from that sucker. bahaha. I almost died. If the spider didn't almost kill me, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack and THAT was going to kill me. hahaha

SO. Now, I'm a little paranoid. Ok. So, very paranoid. haha I feel like its on me still. :P AND i'm not hungry anymore. haha I wish spiders didn't exist. Maybe one day they'll all just die and we won't have anymore spiders.

Until Then.

Stumped.

I have all this stuff going on in my head but now...I can't seem to get it out right. Even that sentence took me a bit to write out. haha I'm serious!

I can't stop thinking about all the changes. my future. people. life. It is just all jumbled up in my head. Life is just so crazy and there are moments like now where I feel like I just need to take a step back and BREATH. Just. Breath. Which I am doing now. I watched a movie and just chilled out.

So. I will just list some of my thoughts out. Since I can't get them out into legible paragraph forms. haha

1. A few of my closest friends are leaving/moving away very soon.
2. I may have a shot at getting a job at Kohls.
3. Girl's Camp is coming up REAL soon and I have so much to prepare. I am SO excited to go.
4. My family is SO busy this summer. I won't even see my Mom or brothers for the entire summer.
5. I'm having problems STILL with BYU-I. Therefore, I'm looking into schools down here.
6. I had a moment today where I just wanted to break down thinking about stuff, but I didn't let myself.
7. Thoughts of saying goodbye scare me.
8. I'm still awake and have to wake up early. haha
9. I had someone completely make my day by telling me they think I am really pretty. That was just too nice!
10. I'll stop here before I go on and on forever. haha

So. Like I said, I'm just stumped. I think what I need is to just turn to my scriptures. I need something to help me get un-stumped. Un-stuck from these challenges and to help give me a little push forward. Thank goodness for the gospel. I just want to tell the WORLD how amazing it is to be a member of this true church. To know that I am going through some HARD times but I am never truly alone because I have my Heavenly Father and Christ with me always. Just a prayer away. It gives me great comfort in my times of need. I believe everyone needs to feel that.

Until Then.

Dance.

So You Think You Can Dance is absolutely amazing, one of my FAVORITE shows of all time.
Dancers just inspire me. I wish with all my heart that I could dance like them and maybe one day I'll take a class. (:

But anyways. haha The EMOTION that they convey through dancing is unbelievable. The joy, happiness, sorrow, heart break, love, and so on. Its all there on the stage. Personally, I love contemporary dancing. Its just beautiful. When they dance you just feel everything they're feeling and its truly a gift.

-Travis and Heidi's contemporary "Bench Dance" LOOK it up on youtube, its amazing. (:

SO, on that note. To any one that dances, whether you know how to dance or you just like having fun, hold onto that. If it is your passion, LIVE it. Hold it. Love it. Be it. Because like I said, its a gift. A true talent. So like they say, "Dance like no one is watching." Let us all be inspired.

Until Then.

Healthy.

This is just on my mind right now. I want to clarify that I am HEALTHY. I eat all the time, I eat junk food just like everyone else, enjoy healthy foods very much, and I'm just naturally "skinny". It just bugs me to have some people be on me all the time about stuff like that. Yeah, maybe they are joking or that's how they show they "care" but it gets old REAL quick. Let me tell you.

In this world its hard to NOT to be conscious about your body or how you look. Its ridiculous. The need to work out more than you eat, to be on crazy diets, to restrict yourself from foods, etc. Its just insane! I don't see why we can't all just eat healthy, work out at a normal amount, and be happy with the way we look. We all may have insecurities over different part of our bodies but we need to banish them. We need to stand up and not let people point them out to make us feel inferior or like we must change. When someone teases you about your body or whatever, put them in their place by saying, "Yeah, don't I look great?" or "Leave me alone. I love how I look." I don't care what you say but don't let anyone make you feel uncomfortable about how you look. I know, its hard! Its hard to feel completely confident about yourself all the time, I know. BUT it definitely is worth your effort to try. Just be happy.

One day last year, after a long day and a morning of strenuous activity, I passed out. It WAS scary. So, I know that a few people haven't let that go and just see it as I need to eat more. Even though it was LAST year and I don't do that kind of crazy running every day. Its just...oy. It gets to me. Like I said, they are joking and its all funny. But seriously, its pushing it. I do not like the constant reminder, the random times that someone says, "WELL what did you eat today?" blah. blah. blah. Give it a rest and let me be my skinny self that likes yoga and loves junk food as much as I love my veggies and fruits. Thank you.

So ladies, young and old, like my favorite mormonad says: BE YOUR OWN KIND OF BEAUTIFUL. "...The Lord seeth not as the mas seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7. (: Do not change for anyone unless its for yourself and to be a better YOU. For we shouldn't care about what other's think about us but how we feel about ourselves...and ultimately, how the Lord sees us. We are daughter's of our Heavenly Father. He loves us no matter what. Stay strong, put a smile on your face, and stand up for yourself. This world is a big critic and sometimes we are our biggest critics. However. Be your own kind of beautiful, be at peace with yourself, and know you are perfect in His eyes. Hopefully, one day the way girls/women look will not be the main focus in society and everyone can learn to just LOVE themselves however they may appear to the world.

Until Then.

p.s. On this topic, there is a great movement/company called "Healthy is the New Skinny"-- look it up! Brilliant posts, blog, pictures, and so on. They've nailed it! Its all about just feeling healthy and loving yourself just the way you are.

R.I.P

... to our Washing Machine. :P hahaha Yes. This post is mainly geared towards the mourning of this great invention. haha Seriously. I was going to come home from FHE and do my laundry. Now...I cannot. SO. With this I have once agained learned that nothing ever goes as planned, nothing goes that smoothly, and you cannot predict the trials you'll have from day to day.

haha Yes. I made our washing machine killing over into a learning experience. OH man, time to sleep.

Until Then.

Missionaries.

OH. MY. GOODNESS. I can't believe that I have so many friends going on missions right now, its so unreal. My cousin Audra will be going on one, Jon is leaving on Tuesday, Eric leaves in ONE month, Greg leaves in September, Kelsey has her papers in and so does Taylor.

6 people. 5 of which I see on a daily/weekly basis. I just cannot believe it. They're all going to be so great. I have not a doubt in my mind that each one of them will be AMAZING. (: I just wish they were not all leaving at once. haha Since we all know...I suck at goodbyes.

Since Jon is the first to go, he is the first to have a picture in my blog. Congrats again Jon on this decision you have made in your life. You are going to be such a great missionary. You're going to touch SO many lives with your willingness to teach and your strong testimony. See you in 2 years. (:

Wow, time just flies. My word of advice is to cherish each day, each moment, each memory, each embrace, each happiness, eachother. Really...just cherish life. Its so easy to get caught up in the world that is why we need to make the effort to keep ourselves grounded and spiritually high. As Audra once said, "Cherish the now because all too soon it becomes yesterday."

Until Then.