Thanksgiving.

Well, I liked the idea of posting at least one thing each day to be thankful for on Facebook and so I did that this year. (:

This was my day-to-day list:

Day 1: I'm thankful for my family. I don't know what I would do without them, I would do ANYthing for them, and I'm glad I get to be with them for eternity. Love you guys. ♥

Day 2: I'm thankful for my friends! From new friends to my best friends. (: I'm thankful that I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life to help when they need it, to love, and to share wonderful memories with. I hope I've been a great friend to all of you guys as well. I'm thankful for friendship. ♥

Day 3: I am thankful for the sun, for summer, for 90 degree heat, etc. BECAUSE if it was cold and rainy like this all the time...I would surely die. haha I need the sun.

Day 4: I am thankful that I have finally been hired somewhere! It’s been a long wait. So, I can't believe in just a short time I will be working. AND this means I can save money for school and get a phone. :D

Day 5: I am thankful for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I'm grateful for being brought up in the gospel and to have a strong testimony. I know the church is true, I know the Lord is always with me, and I know I am a stronger person being a Latter-day Saint. (:

Day 6: I am thankful for laughter. I wouldn't be able to make it through life without it. (:

Day 7: I am SO thankful for letters that bridge the gap between me and some of my best friends. ♥ Even in hard times, there is always something to be thankful for.

Day 8: I am thankful for music. (: I love the way music gives you chills because its so good, the way music calms you, when you relate to a song, when every time a good song comes on and you say "I LOVE THIS SONG!" haha and songs that have lyrics exactly like the words you so desperately want to say out loud. ♥

Day 9: I am thankful for photos, especially one like this one. At the time, it may be annoying to keep taking pictures BUT I have never regretted taking too many. They hold so many wonderful memories and people I would never ever want to forget. ♥

Day 10, Veterans Day: I am thankful for our service men and women! How blessed we are to live in this great land with the freedom we have...freedom that we have because people have fought for it. Thank you to those who have served, are serving, and who will serve. My prayers will always be with you. ♥

Day 11: I am thankful for a blog. (: Not just a blog, but for writing in general. Being able to write well has been a blessing in my life.

Day 12: I am thankful for prayer. I'm truly thankful for the power of it and how it lifts my spirit when life just brings me down.

Day 13: I am thankful for all the wonderful people that support me in all that I do! Thanks everyone. (:

Day 14: I am thankful for my new shoes! :D haha I love them.

Day 15: I am thankful for band-aids!

Day 16: I am thankful for grilled cheese sandwiches. :D Well food in general. Haha

Day 17: I am thankful for...PASSING my driving test!! SO excited to finally have my license. :D

Day 18: I am thankful for the outdoors. Nothing better than an open dirt road, a peaceful lake for fishing, the sound of the ocean and warmth of the sand, the breathtaking view after a long hike, clear blue skies, the change of colors in the leaves... (:

Day 19: I'm thankful for being able to chill with good friends after a long day at work. (:

Day 20: I am thankful for SLEEP. haha

I stopped at Day 20 (obviously. haha) So, here is the rest.

Day 21: I am thankful for the knowledge of the life here after, The Plan of Salvation. It brings me peace knowing I will someday see each person I have lost in this life and my beautiful animals.

Day 22: I am thankful for my home. Its surely a blessing to have a roof over my head and a place to feel safe.

Day 23: I am thankful for Facebook. haha For many reasons other than something to pass the time.

Day 24: I am thankful for showers. :D

Day 25: I am thankful for the Christmas Season coming up!! I'm especially thankful for the music and service that comes along with it. ♥

Day 26: I am thankful for my new calling in Primary.

Day 27: I am, specifically, thankful for the BEACH.
 
Day 28: I am thankful for heart felt conversations. Conversations that are worth remembering, that help situations, that heal, and that make everything better... 

Day 29: I am thankful for my family I don't always see. My Grandparents are my heros, I look up to my Uncles even if they aren't doing things I would do...I respect them completely, for my younger cousins for stealing my heart everytime I visit, and for the family I won't see again until after this life.

Day 30: I am thankful for trials. Through the trials I have become stronger and through the struggles I've really learned to appreciate everything more.  

There is so much to be thankful for and I have learned that even more this month. I am truly thankful for everything in my life from the good times to the bad. From the easiest of times to the most challenging. Life is a beautiful struggle and everyday is a new day to see what there is to be thankful for. Never lose sight of that.

Until Then.

Yours.

Okay, so I'm just trying to gather my thoughts so this post will make some sense. I apologize ahead of time if I just ramble on. haha

SO! Some exciting news, I am now a licensed driver as of November 18th. (: Although I do not have a car of my own its nice having that and feeling like I've accomplished a little more this year. Also, work is going good! I really enjoy it...even when it is boring I feel productive and its nice.

Now...I shall ramble. haha So the feeling of letting go has just been something I've been thinking about for some time now. Especially, the letting go of someone. That someone could be a friend, someone you love but doesn't love you, a past love, and so on. But you know what is possibly harder than actually letting go yourself? Seeing someone ELSE struggling to let someone go. Seeing them have a battle within themselves about whether or not to let someone go even when that someone has hurt them over and over again. I think that is the hardest thing and I will tell you why.

It is harder because letting go of those people in your life or realizing those people are not coming back is such a personal thing. You cannot help someone with that trial. You can give them advice, your opinion, whatever but its all up to them. I know this because I've been there. So I know how it feels and I know how other people try to help.

Letting go is just one of the hardest trials. Its emotional, its difficult, its personal, and its deep. An old saying goes, "if you let someone go and they don't return to you...they were never yours. If you let them go and they come BACK, they have always been yours and will always be yours." I've always heard that but never really quite believed it and now...I know it to be true.

So always keep your faith in someone else alive BUT also know just when to let go and when you let go, be sure of it but don't doubt yourself. Let go with all your might and heart. Just remember that old saying and you'll be just fine. We are definitely all in this together.

Until Then.

Work.

Just a short post! Man, I can't believe I am officially working now! It is so exciting. I'm just overwhelmed by the amount of support I have received throughout my job search and now as I have a job.

So work today went well! It was my first day. (: I did some training, then shadowed someone being a cashier, and THEN opened my own lane and did it myself. This is proving to be a good first job for me. I get to interact with people, it goes by fairly quickly too, and its just good. It is hard sometimes being a cashier, there is so many things to remember and so many people to keep happy! haha But it'll all go well, I just know it.

Prayers are answered ladies and gentlemen. It doesn't always feel like it and sometimes we feel so lost and alone BUT it just takes time. Everything works out when it is supposed to.

Until Then.

Inside.

I may look all put together. I may have a smile on my face. I may even be laughing. I may not look like I have a care in the world...but that is just what I am good at...putting on a brave face when inside I am screaming. On the inside I am stressed, I am worried, I am afraid, and I am falling apart.

Its so hard to be so close to someone but at the same time so distanced. Its hard knowing you can't make them tell you what is going on in their head. Its hard not being able to help them. But you know what else is hard? Giving up on something you've held onto for so long.

You go through your days probably hardly thinking of me. You probably don't even think that as long as we have known eachother I have always been here for you. You probably don't even know that I have missed you like crazy. You. Have. No. Idea. You used to talk to me about everything and now you keep secrets from me. I don't know what I did wrong. I guess I am just not her. I am me and I just don't have what it takes I guess. I feel like you meant the world to me and now I'm just invisible to you. I don't matter and that is the worst feeling.

I don't want to give up on you. I want you to know that I am here and my arms will always be outstretched towards you. We're getting busier now and it feels like we're just going our seperate ways. I hate it...I just want to put my arms around you and tell you everything is going to turn out just fine and I'm here. I want you to know that life is hard but you are stronger. I want you to believe that you can be happy and you don't have to be heartbroken anymore. I want you to know you can come to me if that isn't possible and you need someone to open up to. I'm not a mind reader. I need you to talk to me.

I thought I meant more to you....I thought we had a better friendship than what is going on now. I am hurt for being shut out but more than that, I am worried about you.

On the inside, I am falling apart but on the outside I am staying strong for you. I hope that one day you can see that.

Until Then.

Freedom.

The Final Inspection

The Soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, Soldier,

How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,

"No, Lord, I guess I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,

That wasn't mine to keep...

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear.

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,

Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the saints had often trod.

As the Soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God.

"Step forward now, you Soldier,

You've borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell."

- Unknown.

I have ALWAYS loved this poem and so I found it very fitting to post on this Veteran's Day. (Well, I didn't get on soon enough so I am a little late.) I am so thankful for those who have fought so that we may have the rights and freedom that we have today. I am thankful for those who are willing to risk their lives so that I may lay in bed at night and sleep safely. I am thankful for the men and women who are serving, have served, and will serve. 

Today has been a great day. Donated blood with my Dad, spent time with my family, then went out to dinner with friends, stopped by a wedding reception for a friend, and then hung out until we decided to call it a night. All those things I was able to do today just made my point. Without freedom, those things would not be possible. However, thanks to those who have fought for US...it is. 

Blessed are those that are courageous enough to take on such a grueling challenge. Those who serve will forever be my heroes and I thank each and every one. Thank you. 

Until Then.

Wishes.

I think at one point or another, we have all wished on 11:11. Not only have we wished on that but we've wished on eye lashes, wishbones, birthday candles, shooting stars, dandelions, and so on. We are full of wishes. LIFE is full of opportunities to wish for something.

I think wishing comes close to the beauty of magic. As cheesy as they may sound...its true. I believe wishing reminds your heart of what you are dreaming for. It makes you think about what you REALLY want. This is why, because in that moment where you are thinking of what to wish for all your thoughts may start forming and  you think "I need more wishes" BUT sometimes, something beautiful happens. Sometimes, when you go to wish for something just one thing pops in your head. When that ONE thing pops in your head you know that is what you really want. When you see what you really want then you can see...that is what you need to go for.

Wishes are just supposed to come true, right? That is what we all think and then we get disappointed when they don't. Well maybe the reason they don't just "come true" is because we need to make them happen. We need to go for what we wish for. We need to believe that what we want is possible. Whether it be a person we wish for or an acceptance in to school or the cool new car or whatever...we need to go for it. We need to make our wishes come true.

So here is to believing in the magic of wishes but also to making our wishes come true. Reach for your dreams. Never give up. Keep wishing. Life is hard but know you are stronger. Know your hopes, your dreams, and your wishes are all within reach if you just believe...and make them happen.

Until Then.

Don't forget to make am extra amazing wish on this day, 11.11.11 at 11:11. <3

Lessons.

Life is full of learning experiences. Full of lessons to be learned. We learn those lessons through the hard times, in good times, when we are ready for them, and sometimes we learn them when we least expect it.

Just a short list of important lessons I have learned:

1. People change.

2. Sometimes people just stick around to get something out of you...then they leave.

3. Over-thinking can make things more painful than they actually are.

4. Always be yourself.

5. Don't stray from your path, no matter how tempting it could be.

6. Its okay to fall apart sometimes.

7. Pray always even when you don't feel like it...that is when you need to the most.

8. Stand up for what you believe in.

9. Smile, even when you want to cry.

10. Everything happens for a reason.

11. Life is tough but I am tougher.

12. Sometimes the right path is not the easiest but it is ultimately worth it.

13. We remember the moments not the days.

14. Don't hold yourself back and don't let any one ELSE hold you back.

15. Your dreams are yours, that means you must make them happen.

Well another lesson I have finally learned is to not make someone a priority when to them you are only an option. It has taken me a while to learn that because I make each person, especially my closest friends, my biggest priorities. They all know that too. Well lately, there is a friend in particular who I think highly of and I care for this person as a great friend. I have come to know one of the worst feelings I think we could ever feel. The feeling is this, when the one person that could make you feel so important one day makes you feel SO unwanted the next. Its a terrible feeling.

I just miss this person, who this person was, and the worst part is having this person close by and feeling like this person is millions of miles away. Well, I have done my part. I have learned I cannot do everything. I cannot make this person talk to me, I just can't. I can only go so far...until I am stretched to the limit and that is how I feel, stretched. So i'm done. I have a new mantra: "Close your eyes, clear your heart, let it go." 

If this person comes back to me as my best friend, I will be over joyed but as of now, i'm letting go. Another lesson to learn is sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go...but it is the RIGHT thing to do. It may not make sense, it may hurt, it will NOT be easy but one day it will make sense why it had to happen that way.

Until Then.

Letters.

I swear, missionary letters always come when I think I need them the most. First, I really want to talk about the one from Hermana Lia.

So, Lia is one who knows about basically everything I have gone through and am currently going through. Well, at a point in her letter she said this, "...I'm so proud of you for being so strong with just about every single person you love going out to serve the Lord! I truly believe that Heavenly Father knows how supportive of a person you are, and because of that, you have so many friends who are serving missions who are gonna be using your strength and support to keep them going. Actually, I have no doubt about that. So with that being said, you're gonna be the source of saving so many souls! So thank you, so much."

I read that and almost just broke down. To hear all of that coming from HER was amazing. I look up to her so much and for her to say that she is proud of me was a big deal. Then when she said that I was a source of strength for everyone I support out there in the mission field, it definitely made me think. Like, I sometimes will break because I miss them all SO much it hurts. However, I will never tell them that because I want to always stay strong for each one out there. I want them to lean on ME when they need to. So I was just floored to hear all that from her...and she thanked me! I always thank her for what she is doing! So it never occurred to me that being supportive, which is just how I am, could be such a blessing for them. It was definitely nice to hear a different perspective even when I don't feel I deserve so much praise and such. I just love her and am so thankful to be so close to her.

Now, I got home LATE but I really felt like I needed to get the mail. So I threw my shoes back on, grabbed the key, ran myself to the mailbox, ran back, and then looked through the mail to see a letter from my best friend, Elder Ryan. (: Hearing personally from him was the best. He is doing so well! (Besides having the flu.) One of many amazing parts of this letter was when he bore his testimony in the language he is learning. I was so filled with the spirit when I read it in his new language and when he translated it for me in English. The Lord is truly with him and in everything he is doing. When you can feel the spirit reading a letter and a testimony in a language where you can't even try to pronounce the words...you know how true the gospel is. Its truly amazing to hear all about his experiences and to see the growth in him...especially, when he hasn't been out there for a LONG time. Amazing! Truly amazing. It is such a blessing to have letters as a way of communication and a way to hold on to friendships as distance comes in-between. 

I'm filled with nothing but gratitude for missionaries, their service, their letters, and their love. What a blessing it is to be touched by their spirit. I know that what they are doing is truly the Lord's work and that so many people will come and have come unto Christ through them. Through our support they are uplifted to continue the Lord's work to bring forth the gospel to all the world. So stay strong everyone. Missionaries, friends of missionaries, and especially the families that send out these wonderful missionaries. Remember always that, missionaries leave their families (and friends!) for a little while, so that others can be with theirs for eternity. Let us always remember that, remember to see the bigger picture, and remember to be supportive even when its hard to have them so far away.

Until Then.

Open.

Well, I feel like so many people trust me enough to know that they can open up to me about ANYthing. Then I sit here and realize how I do not do the same to anyone. Its not that I don't trust anyone, because that isn't the case, I just have never been one to be all open to sharing how I am feeling and such.

So here we are and I'm just feeling as if I need to open up. It may not be to just one particular person but I have always found writing to be an escape. I guess you could say its kinda like therapy. When I sit down to write, my mind is going and words start just flowing. I get captivated by knowing that writing is such a release for me. So, I will continue writing...always.

  

Now all the truth that I have been holding in. I am the kind of girl that stays smiling at all times, I don't like crying, I come off strong, and probably looks like everything is just perfect. Well, let me just say, my life is far from that. When I go through hard times, I don't show it to the world or even those who are closest to me. I don't like to bring others down when I am down. That is just who I am. However, that doesn't mean I don't feel like others do. I feel so much, so deeply, and that is why I try to just stay strong.

This year has been tough. The goodbyes have been SO hard. I won't lie. I won't even pretend on that one. Saying goodbye, or 'see you later', to some of my best friends definitely took a toll on me. Going through those made me feel so alone even though I wasn't. It was just a shock each time the time came to let go of each person. I haven't just struggled with those goodbyes. I have struggled through so many emotions that its insane. Not having a job or being in school has just made me feel as if I was going no where or I was doing something wrong. Like I said, I have been going through a lot. I've been really low at times but just kept going.

Through these hard times and many others, I have just broken completely down at points. It was during those times that I prayed to my Heavenly Father so fervently. I truly know what it means to go to him with a humble heart and a contrite spirit. I was so broken and lost that going to him was the only thing I knew to do. I know that He is always with me and that he will NEVER ever leave me. Not only did I feel like that, I felt like when I couldn't bear to go on, that is when He carried me.

He carried me. Such a simple phrase but to me it hold so much meaning. I believe that all the hard times I have gone through have made me into a strong person. I am able to make it through anything especially when I have the Lord by my side.

So there is my point, that I can make it through anything. It may be hard but overall it is ultimately worth it. On the 1st of November I went in for an interview at Super Target and came out with a JOB. (: That is my exciting news! I'm just so thrilled and thankful. My prayers have been answered and it is an amazing feeling. I'm still slightly in shock. haha So I have been in a great mood since then. With that I have a new attitude about me. I'm not holding back. To some people I am a shy person, but I won't be anymore. I am going for what I want and I'm giving everything my all.

I feel like I have come a long way and I'm happy. I'm happy with who I am and where I am. All things take time and I truly see that more so now than I have ever before. Life is a crazy roller coaster and my ride is just taking off.

Until Then.